my second blog entry already. can you believe it?

as i'm writing this, i'm sitting in an all-day meeting in the office, but i won't be posting this until i return to my apartment later. you can tell i'm using this as a method to stay awake because i didn't sleep well last night and caffeine doesn't work on me.

rip.

so tomorrow is lunar new year in my timezone. i got to chat with one of my chinese coworkers (who's usually remote) and learn more about her and she gave me a pineapple cake earlier today. it's probably the one time of year i feel the loneliest because it's one of the most important holidays to me. i don't usually mind living alone and away from my friends and family, but it's different for lny.

every year during the holiday, i remember how important it is to be a "good girl" (i do not like being called a girl or woman, but this is the only way i can put it). call me a sell-out; if it gets me favor or more money from my relatives, then i'll be what they want. it doesn't really bother me after all these years of conditioning. it's just funny to think about because the bar is ridiculously low. a lot of my generation on both sides of the family are traumatized and it has manifested in so many different ways. the relatives cannot even bug us about marriage and children because most of us aren't married or even seriously dating.

anyway, i need to finish putting away my things in my apartment and finally cleaning my carpet with the new cleaner i got. i shouldn't be as excited as i am but it'd been bothering me for a while that i couldn't clean my carpet properly.

then i need to cook the menu i planned beforehand:

• crispy seafood noodles (for longevity)
• steamed whole tilapia (for abundance)
• potstickers (for wealth)
• honey walnut shrimp
• steamed broccoli

maybe it's excessive, but at least i'll have a lot of leftovers. i struggle with cooking the most when i'm tired and busy from both work and school.

this year is not supposed to be a good year for dogs, but i hope my luck is good with finding an internship so that i can graduate on time... or at least find a more relevant job. i don't hate my current one right now, but i can't use it for academic credit and it's not in the field that i want to be in forever, even though my boss keeps encouraging and asking me what i like and want to learn more about.

sigh...